This time last week, I was sad and lonely. Valentines Day was going to come and go and I wasn't anywhere where I want to be. I had no ambitions, no drive, and no muse. Still stuck in the same place with little to no hope of getting out. Don't get me wrong, I like Branson and all, it's just not where I would raise a family and I'm pretty much convinced it has tried to brain wash me.
Monday was a very long day, I worked till 9 that night, had to stop at Walmart for a few things and came home to find a box with 12 roses and vase. Though I'm not a huge fan of roses, it was the fact of who and how they got there that made me love them even more. My wife is one of 3 people who has ever given me roses. (The others being my mother and one of my High School boyfriends). Tuesday came just like any other day, but as I arrived back into Branson I had this strange yet familiar feeling, something told me that my life would be changing and I would be back to normal. I couldn't tell if it was the weather (it was 60 degrees outside), or if something really good was going to be coming my way. Either way, I enjoyed it. That night I got the best news of all!! My wife was coming down to see me. She was leaving early Wednesday morning and would be here by the time I got off work. That made my day, my night, my week in fact. I missed her desperately, she'd only be here till Friday, but I still got to see her. Even if I did have to work most of the day on Thursday. I still got to spend time with her. It had been right before Halloween since I had seen her last. With all that had happened in the last four months it was more then needed. I had almost forgotten what it was like to kiss her, to hold her, and to feel her with me.
On her way down she posed the idea of possibly moving to Omaha, NE instead of going to South Dakota. Her mother that previous week had told her she was going to do what ever it took to make sure I didn't get a job up there, and to be honest with you.. who the fuck would purposely move to South Dakota aside from that crazy woman. I grew up in Nebraska, so the idea of moving back wasn't something I had really taken much thought into to. After all hadn't I moved back. The whole point of me moving away was so I didn't end up like everyone else I had gone to school with. But I guess, now that I think about it, I wouldn't be like them. I've seen a different side mid-west that not everyone else has seen. I've seen homeless people dead on the side of the street, I've been poor enough that I've gone to bed starving. I've been subject to discrimination at it's finest, and the friends I've met along the way.
After much discussing, a lot of pondering, coming up with pro's and con's, we decided to go with it. There was nothing that was keeping us from doing it, except for our marriage not being recognized by the state, that gives me an idea. ;)
So what now for me and my tiny little family. Nothing. I'm going to keep working and hopefully save some money so that by the time my lease is up here at the Vineyards, I will be moving to Omaha. This is a move that is set in stone. I know it with every bone in my body.
One of the main reasons we are moving to Nebraska is because of family. My mother especially. As the cancer continues to rape her of her bones and slowly take over her mind, I know the end is near. Already are we talking about the "when it does' and the Living Will. I've spent the last few years pushing it out of my mind, and ignoring the situation, now it's time to man up. My mother is dying. I can't save her from this one. As much as I would like to. To be honest with you, I'm really tired of having the same conversation about why I should stay in Branson and that I have such a good job why should I leave it. "Why can't she move back there " she says. Every time, I swear. This last time hurt me the most when she said I'd be at her funeral just like she was at my wedding. I felt like my mom and just told me that she was disowning me. What did that little comment teach me? She's sick. The woman that raised me would have never said that to me. And as her time draws closer and closer to the end, Nebraska is where my support system is. My Best friend Derek, who is more then friend, but almost like a brother. He was at my wedding just like one day I plan on being at his. He was one of the few people that helped me through my depression in college and spent my 21st birthday with me and helped me through my depression down here.
I'm also excited about the LGBT and Pagan communities that will be there. Branson has neither. No pride parade, no gay bar, nothing. With as many of us as there is, you would think there would be. One day. Well, actually, everyday in Branson is gay pride day, none of those tourist realize it when we're on the stages prancing around and singing. Which is sad, it's the only time someone even notices most of them and it's the only place we are able to do that.
Did I mention, I will no longer be living in the bible belt. !!!!!! I'm tired of having bible thumping Christians shove their views down my throat. Yes, okay, I get it. You believe in God, Jesus, and that I'm going to hell. But let me give you a piece of advice. THATS WHAT YOU BELIEVE!!!!! My God is the same as your God. It's just a matter of how we perceive him. Oh and by the way, I believe in the Goddess too. But you wouldn't know anything about that. It's not like Virgin Mary is compared to have "Goddess-like" qualities. And just between you and me, before you shout your religious bull shit my direction, do your fucking research, and stop shoving your views on me. Because I don't shove them on you!
Woo, sorry about that.
As my night comes to a close, I want to share a new site that both my wife and I have joined. Ronda has been on it for the last few months now and has lost over 40lbs! I couldn't be any more proud of her for doing it. It's a great place for the person who has no desire to be on any crazy fad diet. You are given tasks to do that relatively simple. You journal about your experiences whether it be food wise or just in general. Your also given the option to have an expert help you with your weight-loss plan ( a meager 20 bucks a month), at the same time, your able to join groups who end up being your own personal Cheer leading squad, giving you motivation, words of encouragement, or just a friendly hello. Of course, you can input what you eaten, your amount of excersize, you mood, stress level, and how much water you've drunk. Want to know what the site is called? iChange.com. Check it out, watch the weight fall off one by one. If you want to keep track of what I've done so far, at the bottom of the page is my weight loss so far. It's the thing with the monkey and flowers.
Till next time....
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