Today is my last day of being 24. I look back on the last year and all the event's that have happened and how I got to place I'm currently at and it makes me realize that I am no longer a child. I'm a full grown adult. I am no longer able to cling to my childhood like it's the only thing left. I'm no longer able to blame my mistakes or misfortunes on other people but myself. It's when I have to accept that life is what I've made it to be. I have a lot of dreams to chase. I have a family to start. Friends to meet, places to go.
Today of all days, I've learned that some people actually live up to your expectations. Sadly, I knew what was going to happen, and even though I wanted something a little more heartfelt, you shouldn't expect anything more then your equals. Bah WTF I sound like a fucking sap.
This weekend I'm going to have a very much needed vacation. One that will be surrounded by those I love and adore. And I'll be with the love of my life. My wife has some mysterious plan for me this weekend and I love it! I need a break from this place, and it will give me time to regroup and think all my plans through for the next coming months. Hopefully we'll be able to find an apartment, give me something to look forward to. What I'm not looking forward to is working my ass off, it will be for good reasons. I'm dying in this place. I've lost so much being down here. Being stuck in this abyss of fake people, fake promises, and living a life that isn't for me.
As I embark on a new journey here is a song that is number one on my top 25 of the summer.
Alexander Ebert: Truth
Here are the lyrics:
Truth
The truth is that I never shook my shadow
Every day it's trying to trick me into doing battle
Calling out "faker" only get me rattled
Want to pull me back behind the fence with the [cattle]
Building your [lenses]
Digging your trenches
Put me on the front line
Leave me with a dumb mind
With no defenses
But your defenses
If you can't stand to feel the pain then you are senseless
[Since] this
I've grown up some
Different kind of fighter
And when the darkness come let it inside you
Your darkness is shining
My darkness is shining
Have faith in myself
Truth
I've seen a million numbered doors on the horizon
Now which is the future you choosen before you gone dying.
I'll tell you 'bout a secret I've been underminding
Every little lie in this world come from dividing
Say you're my lover, say you're my homie,
Tilt my chin back slit my throat take a bath in my blood get to know me
All out of my secrets
All my enemies are turning into my teachers.
Because, lights blinding, no way dividing what's yours or mine when everything's shining
You darkness is shining my darkness is shining
Have faith in ourselves
Truth
Yes I'm only loving, only trying to only love
That's what I'm trying to do is only loving
Yes I'm only lonely loving feeling only loving
Till I'm feeling only loving
Ya say it ain't loving ain't loving my loving
But I'm only loving only loving only loving
Only loving the truth.
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